it’s love that does us in

Vern (rhymes with fern). lady person, late twenties, midwestern, invested in fictional narratives, kittu9 on AO3. kind of a goober, tbh.

currently into: alternate universes, arrow, brooklyn 99, contemporary art, elementary, feminism, fierce ladies, talking about all of the above.


Scenes from the obligatory Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU

Oliver and Felicity are married and they are spies. Except they don’t know it! Oliver and his team (Saraaaaaa and Tommy) are out on some mission and they run into an oddly familiar hacker and the wisecracking muscle who helps her. It’s a standoff, until some tech glitch happens and she escapes.

The hacker is Felicity who recognizes her husband because 1) she is not dumb, she has seen you naked, Oliver, and 2) even if it had been dark, that little thing where he rubs his fingertips together—she knows how he moves. To be fair: she knew all of the real stuff about him—where he grew up, his favorite color, all of his passwords—she just never knew what he did for a living. (“I’ll level with you,” she says, later. “Whenever I hear the term ’CEO,’ I get so bored I just kind of stop listening.”)

SO. Obviously there are some problems, but they discover and unite in order to take down a common enemy: Malcolm Merlyn, who is a threat to every single agency.

“You know, everything about you just became incredibly clear,” Felicity says.

“I cannot believe the two of you,” Diggle interjects. He still has Oliver in a chokehold. “I did not sign up for this. Felicity, you should just have let me kill him.”

“Relax,” she says. “Now that I know what I’m looking for, I can find his records and see what he’s been up to. I probably could have sooner,” she admits, earnest as always. Oliver is a little gratified to discover that that isn’t an act. “Before I was even entitled to half of your worldly goods. But you were so cute, and so terrible at remembering the answers to you own online banking account, I just didn’t think there was much there.”

Meanwhile, Oliver’s team thinks this is hilarious:

“I always knew your wife was too good for you, Ollie,” Sara says. “Now we just have proof.”

“She’s been lying to me this entire time!”

“Uh,” Tommy says. “Pretty sure you don’t have the moral high ground on this one.”


“I can’t believe I brought my actual family to our wedding,” Oliver says.

“It’s kind of cute,” Felicity says, leaning past him to flip a breaker. “I mean, it’s dumb, but I’m flattered. My parents are…as good as dead, I just hired an actor to give me away.”

“I thought I’d seen your mom on Lifetime!”

“I cannot even believe that you watch that channel,” Felicity says. “Like, how is that one of the things that isn’t part of your cover?”


“What do you mean, you’re not a field agent,” Oliver says, breaking one of their good plates and using the shards as the worst throwing knives in the history of projectile weapons.

“Computers! I’m good with computers!” She ducks a return volley and wedges herself behind him.


“Oliver, this is the same thing I’ve been saying for years, you never focus on the point of the argument! Years of you missing the point!” She ducks out from behind him and throws a drinking glass across the room; it hits one of the snipers across the hands. Oliver is pretty sure it breaks the guy’s finger.


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    Well, maybe just a one-shot. No harm ever came from writing a one-shot. Right. Says the girl who write one-shots that...
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    That’s all I gotta say. If it’s already on your mind… Write the thing!
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    This is so perfect ugh PERFECT
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